Therapy for High Achievers
Is Your High Achieving Related To Unresolved Trauma?
Having worked as a therapist for over 15 years, I have been stunned at the number of high achievers I have treated over the years who have unresolved childhood trauma. At times of adversity, individuals often develop hidden strengths that propel them to achieve greatness. When faced with trauma, individuals can be motivated to prove their worth and regain control over their lives. This can manifest as an intense focus on academic or professional pursuits, pushing themselves to the limit to achieve success. However, it's crucial to recognize that high achieving as a trauma response is not without its challenges. While it brings accolades and accomplishments, it can also be a burden that perpetuates a cycle of relentless striving.
Let’s face it, the chances are that you learnt from a young age that you can rely on NO-ONE. Your “greatness” was because you have only ever had yourself to rely on. Achieving was not a choice for you. You had to do great things because you learnt that people will let you down.
Understanding high achieving as a trauma response
High achieving as a trauma response is a mental phenomenon where individuals who have experienced trauma channel their energy and emotions into achieving academic or professional success. It is an adaptive coping mechanism that allows them to regain a sense of control and self-worth. Trauma survivors may feel a strong drive to excel in order to prove to themselves and others that they are not defined by their traumatic experiences.
However, it is essential to distinguish between healthy high achieving and the detrimental effects of trauma-driven high achieving. While healthy high achieving involves setting realistic goals, maintaining a work-life balance, and prioritizing self-care, trauma-driven high achieving can lead to burnout, self-imposed pressure, and an inability to find fulfillment outside of achievements. It is crucial to address the underlying trauma and support individuals in developing a healthier relationship with success and self-worth.
The connection between trauma and high achievement
The connection between trauma and high achievement is complex and multifaceted. Traumatic experiences can disrupt an individual's sense of safety, stability, and control, leaving them with a profound need to regain these aspects of their life. High achieving can serve as a way to restore a sense of control and self-worth, offering a temporary respite from the pain and chaos associated with trauma.
Self worth
Trauma survivors may feel an intense urgency to succeed as a means of proving their worth and reclaiming their identity.
Validation
Achievements may be seen as a form of validation and a way to counteract the negative beliefs and self-doubt that often accompany trauma.
Distraction
High achieving can provide a distraction from the emotional pain and distress associated with trauma, allowing individuals to focus their energy on achieving tangible goals.
However, it is important to note that the connection between trauma and high achievement is not universal. While some individuals may respond to trauma by becoming high achievers, others may experience the opposite effect, struggling with self-esteem, motivation, and a sense of purpose. Each individual's response to trauma is unique, influenced by factors such as their personality, support systems, and the nature of the traumatic experience itself.
Signs of high achieving as a trauma response
Recognizing the signs of high achieving as a trauma response is crucial in understanding and supporting trauma survivors. While high achievers may appear successful and accomplished on the surface, there are often underlying indicators that reveal the trauma-driven nature of their achievements.
Constantly seeking new goals
Excessive preoccupation with goals, achievements, and success. High achievers may constantly set new targets for themselves, feeling a compulsive need to prove their worth through their accomplishments. They may struggle with perfectionism, setting impossibly high standards for themselves and rarely feeling satisfied with their achievements.
Avoidance of emotions and vulnerability
Trauma survivors may use high achieving as a way to escape from painful emotions or memories associated with their trauma. They may become workaholics, constantly busy and occupied, in an attempt to avoid confronting their inner pain. This avoidance can lead to a disconnect from one's emotions and a tendency to prioritize achievements over personal well-being.
Need for External Validation
High achievers may struggle with self-worth that is contingent on external validation. They may rely on the praise and recognition of others to feel a sense of worthiness, constantly seeking affirmation and approval. This can create a cycle of dependence on achievements for self-esteem, making it difficult for individuals to develop a healthy sense of self-worth that is not tied to external accomplishments.
The impact of trauma on high achievers
While high achieving as a trauma response can lead to impressive accomplishments, it is not without its negative effects. The relentless pursuit of success can take a toll on an individual's mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Burnout
High achievers may push themselves to the point of exhaustion, constantly striving for more without allowing themselves to rest or recharge. This can result in chronic stress, fatigue, and a decrease in overall well-being. The constant pressure to perform can lead to a decreased sense of enjoyment and fulfillment in one's achievements, further perpetuating the cycle of striving.
Imposter syndrome
Despite their achievements, high achievers may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and a fear of being exposed as a fraud. This can stem from a deep-seated belief that their worthiness is contingent on their accomplishments, leading to a constant fear of failure and self-doubt. Imposter syndrome can prevent individuals from fully embracing their achievements and experiencing genuine self-confidence.
Poor Social Connections
Trauma-driven high achieving can hinder personal relationships and social connections. The intense focus on achievements can leave little time or energy for nurturing relationships and engaging in meaningful connections. High achievers may prioritize work or academic pursuits over socializing or maintaining a support system, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Overcoming the negative effects of high achieving
While high achieving as a trauma response can have negative effects, it is possible to overcome these challenges and develop a healthier relationship with success. Recognizing the impact of trauma on high achievers is the first step towards fostering healing and growth.
Addressing unresolved trauma
One important aspect of overcoming the negative effects of high achieving is addressing the underlying trauma. Seeking therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to process and heal from past traumatic experiences. Trauma-focused therapies, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms and reduce the impact of trauma on their daily lives.
Importance of Self Care and Boundary Setting
It is crucial for high achievers to prioritize self-care and set boundaries. This includes creating a work-life balance, engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, and practicing self-compassion. Learning to recognize and manage stress is essential for preventing burnout and maintaining overall well-being. High achievers can benefit from implementing strategies such as mindfulness, exercise, and regular breaks to recharge and rejuvenate.
Finding New Priorities
Reframing success and redefining one's priorities can be transformative for high achievers. Shifting the focus from external validation to internal fulfillment can lead to a more sustainable and satisfying approach to achievement. By recognizing that worthiness is not solely dependent on accomplishments, individuals can cultivate a sense of self-worth that is grounded in their inherent value as human beings.
Strategies for managing stress and burnout in high achievers
To prevent and manage stress and burnout in high achievers, it is essential to implement effective strategies and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Setting realistic goals: High achievers should set goals that are challenging yet attainable. Setting unrealistic expectations can lead to unnecessary stress and disappointment.
2. Prioritizing self-care: Making time for self-care activities, such as exercise, relaxation, and hobbies, is crucial for maintaining physical and mental well-being.
3. Practicing mindfulness: Engaging in mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help high achievers stay present and reduce stress.
4. Establishing boundaries: Setting boundaries with work or academic commitments can prevent burnout and allow for time dedicated to rest and rejuvenation.
5. Seeking social support: Connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional support and help high achievers navigate the challenges of high achieving.
6. Taking breaks: Allowing oneself regular breaks throughout the day can improve productivity and prevent mental and physical exhaustion.
7. Asking for help: High achievers should not hesitate to ask for help or delegate tasks when needed. Recognizing one's limitations and seeking support can prevent overwhelm and burnout.
8. Celebrating successes: High achievers should take the time to celebrate their achievements and acknowledge their hard work and dedication.
Seeking support and healing from unresolved trauma
Trauma survivors who exhibit high achieving as a trauma response should be encouraged to seek support and healing for their trauma. Connecting with a therapist or support group can provide a safe and empathetic space to process and heal from past traumatic experiences. Trauma-focused therapies can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms, manage symptoms of trauma, and cultivate resilience.
Additionally, building a support network of friends, family, and mentors can be instrumental in the healing process. Surrounding oneself with individuals who understand and validate one's experiences can provide a sense of belonging and support. Sharing one's story and connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can be empowering and validating.
It is important for trauma survivors to remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing and growth. Healing from trauma takes time and patience, and having a supportive network can make a significant difference in one's journey towards recovery.
Contact Kingston Counsellors and Therapists for High Achieving Due to Trauma Response.
