Does Marriage Counselling Work? – Understand Marriage Counselling
Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people, allowing them to operate as a single unit. Marriage often comes after years of relationship and hard work and is a loving bond that helps mutual understanding and elicits love between couples. However, marriage is sometimes bumpy, and every couple sometimes gets into fights where outside intervention becomes necessary. That is where marriage counseling comes in.
This article will briefly overview marriage counseling, how it works, the steps involved, and people wanting to opt for it.
What is Marriage Counselling?
Marriage counselling is the process of a married couple receiving guidance from an expert such as Psychotherapist about how to solve marital problems. It often occurs in a counselling service where the individual performing the counselling has certified expertise in resolving marital issues faced by couples.
Why Marriage Counselling?
Marriage Counselling is highly effective and focuses on finding solutions to problems and the root of conflict between married couples. However, it is also said to be one of the most challenging therapies, as most couples try to blame their partner for every problem and want them to change.
They consider the therapist a judge who will decide against their partner. However, experienced therapists find a way around every couple's problem, combine different methods, and use them to solve their issues. Therapists teach couples how to better deal with their problems without conflict. They teach couples to communicate effectively, compassionately and without prejudice.
Is Marriage Counselling for You
Marriage counselling is not only for couples who have reached a point in their relationship where they are having daily conflicts and can’t stand each other. It can be opted for by every married couple who wants to strengthen their relationship. Studies have shown that the earlier a married couple with a good relationship opts for marriage counselling, the better the results they reap.
The following couples can opt for marriage counselling:
· New Young Couples
Young couples who have just married might find marriage counselling the most beneficial because they are filled with compassion for each other at this stage. Giving them tools to communicate better and solve their conflicts in a friendly and affectionate manner without hurting each other's feelings will only strengthen their bond.
· Couples Willing to Improve
Couples who want to improve their lives and are eager to improve their way of life and strengthen their relationships by identifying their flaws and removing them can also benefit a lot from marriage counselling, as the therapist can help them in every stage of the required process and make their marriage life better.
· Couples that Don’t Wait for the Conflict to Get to Climax
Marriage counselling is most beneficial when a couple seeks professional help in the early stages of their conflict and doesn’t let it reach the climax. With the help of expert intervention, this couple can get away without doing a lot of damage to their relationship.
Types of Marriage Counselling
Marriage Counselling is also known as marriage therapy or couple’s therapy. Marriage therapy is different from standard therapies because, unlike regular therapies that involve a single person, this therapy consists of a couple. Different marriage therapies exist that use various approaches to solve multiple problems. The following are the types of marriage therapies.
· Gottman Method
The Gottman method is one of the most effective therapy methods introduced by married psychologists John Gottman and Julie Gottman. This method involves conducting a couple’s research to identify behaviours that lead to conflicts, such as contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness.
· EFT
EFT, abbreviated as emotionally focused therapy, involves studying the couple's emotions and the actions those emotions elicit. This therapy teaches the couple to understand each other's feelings better and deal with them.
· CBT
Therapists commonly use Cognitive Behavioural therapy for patients suffering from anxiety, but this therapy also proves to be helpful in marriage therapy. Married couples think a lot about their partner's behaviour and the things their partners should improve. For example, he should work out.
She should manage her weight and other things that draw negative thoughts and emotions. The therapist teaches how to control them and communicate effectively with their partner to avoid the unnecessary feelings and actions that these types of thoughts make them take.
· Solution Based Therapy (SFT)
Solution-based therapy focuses on the problems that the couple is facing by asking them questions about their lives, listening to them, and providing them with practical solutions. The final goal is to improve the couple’s relationship.
· Discernment Counselling
It is a short form of therapy for some couples who have opposite thoughts about whether to continue their relationship or separate. It helps them decide which path to take in the future. If they choose the former, other types of marriage counselling follow.
Reasons to Go for Marriage Counselling
There can be a lot of reasons that a married couple will want to go for marriage counselling. Some of the main reasons are:
· Your relationship differs from before, and you have started growing apart.
· You have started clashing about your financial situation, and you think that each other's dire economic situation is the fault of the other.
· One of the partners or both of them have been unfaithful or are unfaithful and have committed acts of infidelity.
· In such a situation, you feel your partner is always wrong and constantly bickering and fighting over everything.
· Your sexual life is lacking, and you have unfulfilling intimacy or no intimacy at all.
· You are considering separating or divorcing for any of the reasons mentioned above.
· You are experiencing a massive change in your life. For example, you may have retired, or all of your kids have moved out, leaving you and your partner alone in your house.
· You feel like strangers to each other.
If you are facing any of the situations mentioned above, going for marriage counselling will not be a bad idea.
What Happens in Marriage Counselling?
Marriage Counselling is a long process, and the first step is the therapist's evaluation of whether counselling will benefit the couple. The therapist does this by arranging one-on-one private sessions with one partner at a time. During this session, the therapist asks questions about each partner's private life to determine whether they have been unfaithful or are currently in an unfaithful relationship outside their marriage.
If either partner is involved in an ongoing adulterous relationship, then it is close to impossible to do effective marriage counselling. However, if the therapist thinks that effective therapy can be performed to improve their ties, weekly sessions will be scheduled. After this, sessions will continue, and the therapist will teach you the following techniques to help your relationship.
· Teach you how to be truthful and vulnerable in front of your partner.
· Teach you how to control your actions when you are angry.
· Techniques that will help to resurrect the romance in your dead relationship.
· Teach effective communication methods to convey your thoughts to your partners openly.
· Teach you to appreciate your partner instead of judging them and wanting them to change.
Steps Involved in Starting Marriage Counselling
You want to opt for marriage counselling after getting a clear picture by reading this article. Now, you are wondering what to do to get started. I will give you clear directions.
· Communicate With Your Partner
First and foremost, you must communicate with your partner about opting for marriage counselling. This step can be challenging if you are already in a bad relationship, but the results you will reap outweigh the little difficulty you will face in communication. Prepare yourself and gently ask your partner to go to counselling with you with a clear choice of words.
Say something like this: ‘We have not been doing well recently, and going for marriage counselling might be the change of pace that we need to get back to better terms with each other and strengthen our relationship’. Something like that might make your partner consider attending counselling sessions with you.
Also, studies show that 52% of people who have never participated in marriage counselling say they are open to such counselling with their partner. That is a huge number, so 'All hope is not lost.'
· Search for a Counsellor
Congratulations! If your partner has agreed to attend counselling, you have moved closer to a healthy relationship. Now comes the task of searching for a good marriage counsellor. Many therapists specialise in marriage counselling and have proper certification for dealing with such matters.
Take your time searching for the best, as a good counsellor with extensive experience might be the remedy your dying relationship needs.
Concluding Remarks – Does Marriage Counselling Work?
Marriage counselling does work, and it works well. At some point in marriage, approximately 49% of couples go for marriage counselling, and guess what? 70% of them find it to impact their lives positively. That is a lot considering how fighting couples sometimes can't even stand their partner's appearance at the start of the counselling.
A prerequisite for marriage counselling to work correctly is the couple's willingness to change their lives. If an individual is not ready for change or does not want to change, there is no helping them.
Still, the couple's individuals want to change their lives, better themselves, and heal their relationship. In that case, they can benefit significantly from marriage counselling, and their relationship becomes polished and more vital than ever at the end of the counselling. For your local marraige counselling needs , check out Kingston Counselling and Psychotherapy
